Chapter 11

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" - Timothy 5:8

One thing I'll never understand about women is how they think. Mathematically speaking, their thinking is parallel to reality and perpendicular to imagination. How does a normal thinking person pack her bags and go to another person's house without his knowledge and think he'll be ok with it? It's rampant in black families, just because you drive a GOlf GTI they think you are rich and can help with whatever they want. When she saw my car she smiled and waved. I was fuming inside. But in my Tsonga culture we are taught to listen to a person's problems before we make unlearned assumptions. I parked the car next to the security stall and asked her what she wanted in Centurion. Instead of explaining she started crying. I didn't want a scene, so I asked her to put her bags in the car. She wiped her lizard tears and put her bags in the car. When we got to the house she started crying again. I told her to shut the fu^k up or leave. She wiped her tears again and started telling me some senseless stories. She told me her mom kicked her out because she went out without her permission. I was like "listen here Maria, you cannot run to my place whenever you and your mother fight. I need my own space. You didn't even discuss it with me, you just budged...ag maan". Maria was one of those distant cousins. Her grandmother was my mom's aunt....I don't know how. She spent most of her childhood at my place. I can't say we were very close but I knew her well. She was a teenager but her body had matured well. I think she was 19 .....if not 20. She was tall, slender with curves and an ass to write a poem about. What I liked most about her was her lips. If she wasn't 'family' I would hire her to be my Private Blow Jobist (PBJ). She liked wearing mini-skirts and shorts. That particular day she was wearing a very short mini and to be honest, I couldn't directly look at her. She begged me to let her sleep because she didn't have anywhere to go. I eventually gave in and told her she can sleep one night. She gave me a hug and said "thank you...thank you. I promise I won't do what I did last year". Shit, she had to remind me. A year earlier she found me passed out on the couch and rubbed her bum on my clothed dick. My dick liked it but my conscience wasn't impressed.

She started telling me stories of what I miss in the township. After that she prepared food. Maybe it wasn't a bad  idea to have her around. I was tired of take aways. Take-aways and Heineken are a terrible combination. You'll develop a big belly in less than 6 months. After eating she said she wanted to take a bath. She asked if she could use my bedroom to change and I said yes. She went to my bedroom and after couple of minutes she came back with only a very short white towel on. Before entering the bathroom she dropped her toiletry bag and it took her about a minute to grab it from the floor. Her ass was facing me. I don't know if it was by purpose or what....but she literally twerked and exposed her punani to me. I tried to close my eyes but it didn't help, my imagination showed me things that made me wanna stand up and launch Rhu-Rhu on her. But hey, she was more of a lil sister to me. When she eventually entered the bathroom I was relieved. But Rhu-Rhu was still expanding horizontally. I decided to go to bed early. I didn't want temptation to get an upgrade in my mind. I took a spare blanket and put it on the couch. I knocked on the bathroom door and Maria said "come in cuz...". I told her "I don't wanna come in. I just wanted to tell you to sleep on the couch. I put a blanket there for you. Good night". She went silent for a moment and then started singing 'All the single ladies'. After showering I heard her walking to the sitting room. After few minutes she opened my bedroom and went "I wanna change into my pyjamas. It will take only 2 minutes cuz. After that, you can have your pretty sleep". She literally let loose the towel and started looking for her pyjamas naked. It took her a minute but to me it seemed like 20 minutes. I was losing control over my body. She wore the pyjamas with me watching every step. It was one of those cotton fabric pyjamas, so they exposed her beautiful and sexy shape. I applaud God for the way he designed men but I think he should have added 'off-button' on our dicks. It's difficult to control a healthy dick. I wonder if women sometimes lose the control of their nananas. After dressing she switched off the lights and said "night cuz. Enjoy your cold bed".

It probably took me more than an hour to sleep. Maria literally terrorised my manhood. I felt the 'tii tii tiii' pain on my dick. I tried to think of all disgusting things to make it sleep but failed. I even thought about Braamfontein KFC. But hey, a dick is like a child. If you act tough, it will finally give up and sleep. Around 1am I was pressed, so I decided to hit the bathroom to urinate. It felt like I was excreting my dick's tears. I flushed and went back to the bedroom. As I was about to sleep, Maria entered my bedroom and joined me on the bed. I asked what the hell she thought she was doing and she went "I tried but I can't. I'm not a slave nor a prisoner. I'm too tall for your couch. I can't sleep. If you don't wanna share a bed with me, you go sleep on that couch". You see why I hate relatives? You do them a favour and they bite your good heart. I didn't wanna argue with her, I took my duvet and headed to the couch in the sitting room. I could see she was horny but I had to control myself. Having sex with her would give her a leeway to stay with me for as much as she wanted. Some women think their punanis are a master key. They think they can use their holes to open any door. Sorry checkers, I wasn't going to let her stay for more than one night. I had important people to entertain. I was taller than Maria, sleeping on the couch was even more uncomfortable for me. I decided to go back to the bedroom. It was my bedroom after all. You can be the strongest man on earth but I don't know of any man who would sleep next to a hot chick and feel nothing, unless if she's your sister or mother. I was hornier than horny. I decided to touch her bum and she didn't object. That was a good sign. I moved up and touched her breasts and she went "mmmmmh Rhuuuuu ahh". I got closer to her to made her bum feel my hard dick. That was my way of flaunting. I wanted her to feel I had the right resources. I slowly put my fingers in her pj's and the girl was wet. She was at the advanced stage of wetness. I knew it was a 6-1 for me - pop. I played with her clitoris and she started making those sexy sounds. It was when I tried to take off her pyjamas that she went "what do you think you are doing Rhulani? I'm your cousin for heaven's sake. Shame on you...sies". She took her blanket and went back to the sitting room.

WTF was that all about? She practically led me on but she was acting as if I was taking advantage of her. I decided to let her go. I didn't want her to cry rape the following day. You can never trust these bitches, she gives it to you and the next day she cries rape. Imagine me on the Daily Sun front page accused of rape. I'd die. My dick was so hard I couldn't sleep. I took my phone and started calling all girls in my phone - from A-Z. I only skipped Maureen and Mercy for obvious reason. 55% of them's phones were off and the rest rang answered. Ja when dicks are hard girls are scarce. Luckily one of the girls called back. She asked what I wanted that late and I went "I'm horny....can I come fetch you?". She actually laughed and told me "you should stop calling me with free minutes Rhulani. I'm not your booty call that you can call at 2am for sex. If you want it, call me in the morning". I was so disappointed. I went "Ai sharp, but... don't you know any girl you can recommend? I can go fetch her now...I just wanna f...". She hung up on me. Mxm I hoped she got a heart attack and died. I don't understand why women can be so stingy with something that was a free gift from God. The more I failed to get a pussy the more I got horny. At that stage I'd chow anything with a hole, including a cat. It's called a pussy after all. I decided to try my luck on Mercy. Desperate times, desperate measures. I didn't care about her abortion, she'd give me a 'back job'. All I wanted was to come inside a warm wet place. I remembered I deleted her but fortunately I had an sms from her. So called from the number on the sms. Her phone was on voicemail. The voicemail went "you have reached Rhu's future wife Mercy Chauke. Please leave your message and me or Rhu will get back to you as soon as we are free. Ciao". My horny dick died on the spot. It was a blessing in disguise, a traumatising blessing thou. I managed to sleep after hearing the voicemail. In the morning I took a bath and prepared for work. Maria prepared me breakfast and I told her I wasn't hungry. I was very moody. Girls wake up moody after sleeping with a broken heart. Niggers wake up moody after sleeping with a hungry dick. Before leaving I told her "I better not find you here when I come back. Leave my keys with the security guards". I had back to back meetings at work, I didn't even have time for the Xhosa intern. Maureen called me just before I knocked off and told me she was coming to my place. I told her it would be better if I went to her place and she agreed. I couldn't risk letting her come to my place without being sure Maria left. That girl was so stubborn you'd swear her father was a Zulu taxi driver. I drove home after work and when I got to the gate I asked the security guys for my keys. They told me no one left the keys with them. Nxa, you see what I meant? I parked the car in my garage and headed to my house. The door wasn't looked and some old soul music was playing. I looked on the table and there was a pack of condoms and a note written "take off your clothes and join me in the bedroom.....I'm wet". I didn't waste time. I took off everything on my body and headed to the bedroom.

When I opened the door I .......

THE END

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LETTERS SECTION

Dear Shazyonce

I love your block. You are the best thing since my late boyfriend's dick. I lost my boyfriend of 3 years to a very terrible accident on Xmas Day in 2013. Ever since then my pussy is always dry. I tried dating but whenever guys try to get intimate with me my pussy goes very dry. The strange part is whenever I bump into his younger brother I get horny. I tried praying but nothing seems to help. I even tried going to my late boyfriend's grave to ask him to unlock my pussy but failed. Do you think he did something to my vjayjay before he died or there's something wrong with me?

Dried Food. Nigeria

[Send your letters to segomediaco@gmail.com or inbox me]